Miss you

Dear Papa,
Its been almost 3 months that you have gone, but I still miss you as much if not more. I don’t know how people say time is the best healer-doesn’t seem to work in our case. You know I would have never put this up have always hated this blatant expression of grief, have learnt from you to internalize it-but didn’t know where else to put this. You were always my sounding board and strength and it seems difficult to deal with this without you. Though, you did prepare me in your own way. I need you more than ever, you know why, I try to hear your voice but I cant. It makes me feel alone.
You know its my birthday, I always looked forward to it and used to be super excited but right now it’s the bleakest day of my life. The other days are happier than this one. It pains me that the one person who truly welcomed me into this whose part I was is not there anymore, to wish me. Don’t get me wrong Pa, I have a great set of friends and Ma is there, J is there and so is Karan-but you are not there and it makes me unhappy. I know I should not be sad but I am & there is nothing I can do.
I know you would have told me “Learn to deflect” , “ Concentrate on your life”-but I cant Pa. You know I can’t express myself to anyone but you Pa and it makes it difficult.
It just doesn’t feel special without you Pa, just doesn’t. Miss you so much…